you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
