I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
