last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
