the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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