talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
