My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
