think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
