Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think my moral compass just broke
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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