I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
