We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
