That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
