His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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