btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
