After last night, I could never be a politician.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
