So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
