Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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