so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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