omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
