okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
