I want to have your abortion
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
