i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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