He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
