You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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