You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
