I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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