we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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