We're like a lot better than the average bears
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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