She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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