I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
