Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
