i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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