i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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