you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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