let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
