I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
