She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
