The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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