Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
