I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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