Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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