Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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