Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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