what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
