We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
