butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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