I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
