it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
