I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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