we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
