note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We're too hungover to prance.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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