my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
