ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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