Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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