i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize