3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My ass is underappreciated
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
