I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
