You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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