I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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