i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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