i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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