need another drink. this is the easiest way
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
