Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
