That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
