you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize