i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
