I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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