I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
there is glitter all over my balls
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
