Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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