All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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