never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
