i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
