i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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