Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
