now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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