It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
