Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have fence marks all over my body
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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