Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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