Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
