dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
