STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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