break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize