Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
