Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
