I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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