Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
