On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
