Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
