i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
