No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize