I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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