she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
