Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
