It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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