Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
