Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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