tell your sister to shave her snatch
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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